HAPPY NEW YEAR! 01/05/2004

[Tamara Marble]

As the ladies make their way inside, leaving the cool weather beyond the doors, they also notice a new look of the halls.

What they noticed were that they have slowly watched themselves grow both emotionally and spiritually.

Each one of them, gaining new knowledge, they now had the power to decide what was best for them.

It wasn't a matter of weight loss anymore, but also, that each one of them brought to this room, and to live, and important statement.

That statement was to look beyond that which they viewed of themself, what they allowed others to view of themself, and to celebrate who they were inside.

May, with the new year...

You all find a reason to celebrate and rejoice in what I found in you from the very first day you joined us.

And to those of you, coming here. Know...

You're not alone. We are here, beside you, all the step of the way!

Warm Regards
Tamara signing off for now *winks*

[Tamara Marble]

Tinkerbell - Thanks for holding up the fort while I was away. You're right, KMart kept me busy alright! *laughs* I worked on Thanksgiving, then I worked day before AND after Christmas, and then I go back to work Jan 4th. That's tomorrow.

Dec 31-1st we went up north to Midland to see my husband's sister's family, and I got to see my oldest son, Thomas. My second oldest son, James, who was on leave during Christmas and New Years from the Army and I got to spend time together when I wasn't working.

The last time I saw him was his graduation in June 2003. So you can understand that I didn't put myself too much on the internet in those days because I knew I only was going to see him for awhile.

Well, he looks good, had to get used to his Army haircut. *laughs* He told me he doesn't talk to his father. *sighs*
That's between his father and him. When his grandmother from that marriage gave him a bag from his dad filled with candy, he only handed it back to her telling her he didn't eat candy. Later he was to find out on the way home in the van, that his father put $50.00 into a card at the bottom.

Needless today, his father alienated him when he would never side with James and always with his daughter Carrie from his second marriage. *sighs*

As for me and Thomas, we have a strained relationship, only because he doesn't try hard enough. He would rather get a job around his clubs and such, and let his grandmother pay for his rent for his shared apartment. Everything isn't good enough for him. And yet, here me, after 8 yrs was able to get a job part time at KMarts.

I know, he has to find his way, but it does hurt to watch from afar. I told him, even with my words, know behind them that I love him very much, and only wish him success.

I don't know what he's going to do, but I hope he finds himself one day. *sighs*

For New Years we went to my husband's sister's house, and this year James joined us. Though we didn't stay to see the ball fall, we all had a good time, and even got to see my husband's aunt and uncle who stopped in.

Everyone was tired by 11pm, so we headed back to the hotel. I tell you, none of us slept too well there, the mattresses are really firm. But we did sleep.

Then we went back over to his sister's house, and then back to the hotel and went swimming. I got to finally soak a little bit in the hot tub there. And then we packed up to go. Well, we stopped by a friends house and visited with the wife Alice. Our friend Fred was out and about and missed our visit. Alice told me that in Nov she was in the hospital with heart problems. She's doing better now.

They all are doing well, even Fred is going back to college for Web Design. Alice is still working health care and helping on the bus during the school year. Their one son works at Ponderosa, and so does their daughter, though she will be going to college after she graduates to become a Nurse. This not only surprised, but made Alice very pleased. I am so happy things are working out for them.

For Christmas, I called my brothers, my niece Kelly who has now a 4 month old daughter, my grand niece, and got a call from my sister Bunny whom I hadn't talked in a long time to.

I tell you, though the children had given us a few grey hairs with their ups and downs, it was a very nice holiday for me.

We took the Christmas tree down before we went up north, so today, when my husband wakes up, we'll be working on getting the house back in shape.

Sky- I want to say, you've been through alot, but I think you've also learnt a few things too. One, you cannot control what other's issues are, some of them are in their own minds that they make up along the way to justify things. It is best, when you come acrossed a situation, like you did earlier with those friends who blamed you for not being invited to a wedding to know, that obviously, they have a LONG way to go emotionally.

It is easier to blame others for problems, then it is to take responsibilty for their own actions and try to change things to make life better for one's self. Their issues are NOT your issues.

You will learn over time, who is a TRUE friend, and who are what I call FLY-BY-NIGHT friends.

A TRUE friend, is like my friend Deja, whom I've never met. But we've been pen pals since 1981. Time can pass, and then out of the blue, we contact one another and pick up where we left off. No judgement. Just a link of spiritual friendship that holds us. Why? Because we realize, we both have a life that sometimes causes us to focus on that, rather then each other, and neither of us think negative thoughts of why we're not constantly in contact.

I can call, she can email. There is no pressure.

Friendship should be like that. Friendship is actually based on, what one can give and receive from one another. Sharing in one's life and achievements without judgement.

When it becomes a contest of wit and successes of who did what better then the next, from a contest of negativity, then it loses something, and no longer is a friendship, but then it starts to fall in where one is trying to find justification for something else they aren't satisfied with.

I say, you're better off without them if that is all they can bring to the friendship.

When your mutual friend visits with them, just let her know, beforehand, that you would rather not know what they talked about. For that part of your life is left behind you. But, if your name IS mentioned, you wish them well, and hope they are happy.

By doing so, not only have you kept yourself from being abused by hurtful words by their immaturity, but you also have informed them, you hold no malace and have moved on with your own life.

Then it is up to THEM if they wish to contact you personally. True?

I've given up long ago trying to figure out people. Why they do what they do. I have a dear friend, and she will always be a dear friend. *chuckles* She lives in Toronto, Canada. You've heard me speak of her, I am sure.

She will say, I will be online on such and such a day. Then isn't. But she will be on another part of online during that day. Do I get hurt feelings when she isn't one point but another? No. Why? Because, that's who she is.

I've accepted her weaknesses, as well as her strengths, have not judged her, but accepted her for who she is.

In truth, she's a lovely lady. She is my friend.
In truth, she will be where she will be when she gets there. *chuckles*

And in the meantime, life goes on. True?

So you see. I could be upset when she says she will be somewhere and isn't. Or I can just go with the flow of life, and enjoy it when she's there, and accept it when she's not. It doesn't change my life either way.

Know though, whether we post or are there in spirit, we ALL are there for you Sky. *smiles*

Gabrielle is doing well. *chuckles* She's gained 10 lbs. I was able to walk with her around Thanksgiving time. Christmas has been crazy for both of us. But as you can see. We're both doing well. She looks lovely.

In the meantime, she had given herself a lovely haircut that brings out her facial radiance with a wonderful healthy glow.

She has been keeping busy with Pampered Chef parties that she gives. And dolting on her wonderful husband and darling of a little boy.

I am sure we will all hear from her after things calm down. I know that she had families to visit and share the holidays with.

Well, that about sums my OLD year up. My NEW year is filled with hope, inspiriation, and possibilities.

Let us all celebrate it together!
With much love,
Tamara signing off for now *smiles*

[Tinkerbell]

Hello Agents!

Tamara....welcome back!! I'm glad you had a pleasant holiday...sounds like you were very busy. I guess everyone's busy during that time. (except me)

I love the holidays because I dont' have much to do....that's a vacation for me. I don't have a large family, and it doesn't take much to see the family I have here...just a few minutes drive.

My kids are young (6, 8 & 10) and they want to spend most of their time here at home, and playing in the neighborhood. I"d like to say I got a lot of things accomplished around the house, but I really didn't. I spent most of my time playing with my kids instead of cleaning. But it's back to the regular routine on Monday, so I'm kinda looking forward to that.

Speaking of Monday....it's my new Week One, and I'm looking forward to that as well. To keep myself busy in the evenings, which is my "weak" time for eating...I'm going to also give my house a 6-week makeover. I even made a schedule, of what I'm going to accomplish in the house for the different weeks.

I didn't make the list too complicated, because I don't want to set myself up for failure, but I listed what's most important to me. Things like cleaning out the bathroom closet, going through the shoes (we have soooo many), cleaning out my boys clothes, cleaning under my bead (scarey), etc. It will keep my my off food when my kids are with their dad, and probably make me feel better about the house. It's always nice when it's clean.

My daughter, who's 10, is very into cooking, so at the moment she is stuffing peppers for me, and freezing them individually for the week. she also hard-boiled eggs for me, and wants to try to make a meatloaf. It's nice to have a helper, but what I really need now is someone to clean up....she's pretty messy. Enthusiastic, but messy.

I should probably try to help her....

Tinkerbell, signing off for now.

[rubyscheetz]

[glow=red,2,300]Hello agents![/glow] How is the fight going?! I all but gave up and I am so scared to step on the scale tomorrow, but I am going to be brave and do it. Tomorrow is my new week one. And I am determined to start fresh!
I have had a really bad couple of months, girls. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, and whatever other "ally's" you can think of.
In November, my mother- who both my husband and I were employed by- FIRED us both at her whim. I swear to you all that this occured entirely because I had the guts to stand up to her and tell her she was wrong about something. It was the most hideous display of poor management and anger I have ever seen. LESSON: NEVER EVER EVER work for a family member- especially if the family member is as volitile and NUTS as my mom is! Anyway, my husband and I bidded against her for the client we had been working for, and we won. So we were able to continue working for the same people, doing the same thing (we care for elderly people in their home so they don't need to go to a nursing home). The catch was, though, that the company my mom owns would still be caring for the people also. We chose the hours we wanted, and the agency would fill in the rest of the time in the home with their people. Well, my mom made it as difficult as she possibly could for the whole situation to work. So I have been thoroughly stressed out for weeks and weeks trying to care for this couple in the best possible way, and try not to let these other workers get me down. They would criticize my every move, write really mean things in the communication log, and just generally make it hard to work shoulder to shoulder with them. But finally I spoke to my mother about some of the things going on, and that helped a little bit. But what helped the most was when she and my son (4 years old) got together and played for a while. That really encouraged her to take some of the heat off. So I guess as long as I can manage to keep my distance from her while still being in close proximity to her, I can get through this situation. I tell you- I really despise her. She really makes my life chaos at every chance she has. If I had my choice, she would be far far far out of our lives, but it isn't my choice only. So I will compromise.
Sorry i am rambling so much--- I feel like unless I can get this issue off my chest and behind me, I will never succeed with the weight loss plan. So thanks for listening. ;D
Anyway:
I am hoping to start off week one with a bang! I am excited and hope some of the old BOND GIRLS will join me again. This is a new year, and we can do it!
See you soon!

[Tinkerbell]

Good Morning, Agents!

Is everone ready for our new mission?? I guess I'm as ready as I'm going to be, and so far, so good. But it's only 7:15 am, so how much could I possibly cheat so far? I'm signing in now, because I have a busy day ahead of me, and I needed a little encouragement. I made a lot of food for the week yesterday, and packed them in individual portions, so hopefully that will help.

I got on the scale this morning and was a bit surprised that I didn't gain any weight over the holidays...just maintained. Which is actually very encouraging to me, because I know if I can just lose the weight, it won't be so hard to maintain the weight I want to be.

I'm starting my Week One at 181 lbs. and 266 inches. Ouch. Saying that out loud hurts.

Ruby - sorry to hear about you Mother problems. I have them myself, and it's very difficult. Although my mom & I have a pretty good relationship, she also is very volatile and "nuts." We all have to walk on eggshells around her, and never know how she will react to things. She reminds me constantly how overweight I am, and it makes me feel worse about myself than I already do. So I feel for you....

I need to get moving now....Christmas vacation is finally over, and I have one sick child, and one who won't get out of bed. My day begins....

Good Luck, Everyone!

Tinkerbell, signing off...

;D ;D ;D KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE MISSION!! ;D ;D ;D

[rubyscheetz]

Well, happy week one(for some of us) agents!
I am off to a so-so start- only because I started at 1 PM. Well, I guess it's better than not starting at all, right?
Well, I am off to continue my day..... Have a great one, and I will see you all soon!

[Tinkerbell]

Hello Agents!!

How's everyone today? I had a pretty good first day yesterday, sticking to the plan until around 8, when I ran into some friends and had 2 beers and some fries. But I drank a lot of water afterwards, and even more today. I had a good day today....even at elunch at Ponderosa, but just had lettuce, tomatoes, and fat free dressing. Evenings are usually my weakness, but I have the kids tonight, and it's been a long day. So once I get them to bed shortly, I'll probably head to bed early. I read somewhere today that you shouldn't eat 3 hours before bedtime....that you should go to bed with an empty stomach. I'm not sure what the reason was. I don't remember what our program book said about it, except that we're supposed to eat a snack before bed. I'm going to try to remember to look it up before I turn in tonight.

Does anyone else have a terrible urge to get on the scale all the time? I hear people saying they're afraid to get on the scale, or that they haven't gotten on it for a long time....I guess I can't pass it up....it motivates me, whether I'm up or down. Just wondered how everyone else felt about it.

Good Luck with our mission, ladies!

WE CAN DO THIS!!

Tinkerbell, signing off for now....

[Tinkerbell]

Hi Everyone!

Hope everyone's well...things are okay here. I struggled to stay on the program today....it was just a bad day, and eating is always very comforting. I ate a few small pieces of homemade pizza for dinner, and I'm sipping on some hot chocolate right now, but I'm trying to at least get my water in.

Tomorrow's Friday, and the start of the weekend, which is tough for me. But I'm going to try to stay busy and chew a lot of gum.

Sorry for not being very upbeat today, but I just don't have it in me right now. I wish there was someone here to chat with. That would be nice. I never chat, but sometimes I think it would be fun. Actually, if I had some adult friends it would be nice.

I'm depressing myself more. I'll check back in tomorrow.

Tinkerbell, signing off for now...

[Tinkerbell]

Good Morning, Everyone!

How's everyone? It's been a semi-successful week for me so far....I haven't stuck completely to the program, but it's been close. I've stuck to the eating small meals every 2-3 hours...they just weren't always the best meals. Last night for dinner I had a slice of pizza at the mall, and a couple Girl Scout cookies for snack before bed....but the good thing is, I drank water with the pizza, and a small glass of milk with the 2 cookies, so it wasn't so bad.....it used to be I'd eat 3 slices of pizza and a large Pepsi, and half the box of cookies. So I felt okay about it, because it was in moderation.

For breakfast the last few mornings I've been having a banana and a cup of hot chocolate....it's so cold here, and it just feels soooo good! I bought the no-sugar added cocoa mix. I wish I was a coffee or tea drinker, but I'm not....there's just nothing like hot chocolate on a freezing cold day.

I actually went on a date last night for the first time in years. It was with a guy I'd met a few times, and I ran into him last night again, and he asked me to go see a band with him. So we went, and it was so nice! I'd almost forgotten what it was like to have someone actually like me and pay attention to me! (That's so sad) What's funny (or ironic) is that part of my motivation for this diet has been because I want to be noticed, and here this guy didn't seem to notice my extra pounds. So it was nice, and I have a smile on my face that hasn't been there (for that reason) for a long time. ;D

Today's supposed to be the coldest day of the year, so they said on the news this morning. The sun's out and it looks beautiful, but it's bitter cold. I'm going to try to get some cleaning done today, because my household makeover was a complete failure this week. I didn't clean anything! I hope to change that next week, although I don't seem to be as committed to that as I am to the food portion of my makeover.

I'm off to work for a while before the cleaning begins. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I hope someone posts soon, too.

Take care, everyone!

Tinkerbell, signing off for now...

[Tinkerbell]

Hi Everyone!

Well, I've been having a relatively successful weekend on the program. I did have ice cream last night, but I had only salad and water for dinner at Chuck E. Cheese's, so I was feeling pretty good about that. I slept til 10:30 this morning, and I woke up feeling like I'm getting a serious cold, so I've only had a cup of hot chocolate so far. I'm not sure how well I'll stick to the plan today because of how I'm feeling, but we'll see. I may have to eat some soup or something....

I wish there were some people here....I'd like to read some posts....everyday I'm hopeful...

Anyone ever try one of these 2-day drink cleanse?

I'll check back in again later!!

Tinkerbell, out...

[Tinkerbell]

Hello Bond Girls!

I'm happy to report that my Week One was a success, despite my many indulgences in Pizza, cookies and ice cream....it inspires me because I know what I COULD be losing if I do just a little better this week! I would've liked to have lost more, but I'll take the 5 pounds and run. (all the way to another bottle of water.)

I woke up with a terrible cold, which started coming on yesterday. My daughter is also sick with same thing, and home from school today. I've been sucking down the hot tea today, and it feels great on my throat....I don't think the hot chocolate is great for my cough and throat, so I'm skipping that today. I haven't eaten anything at all today, and I don't know if I will, because the tea is filling me up, and I just want to sleep. I may have some chicken noodle soup or something later.


I'm off to take a nap....hope all is well with everyone!

Tinkerbell, signing off...

[SkyLaRue]

Hey - Sky here -

My apologies, if my life wasn't such a soap opera maybe I'd have time to post more. When I signed up here I thought I'd have time to post every day. So I apologize profusely for my extended absences.

On top of the crappy things I was going through before, I got blindsided by another "friend" several times, I had to spend time with him because another friend was getting married. The friend that got married, I have feelings for, he knows it, he has feelings for me (even if he can't ever admit it), his family loves me (and they know he feels something for me). But he chose someone else, so there you have it. That was a tough weekend for me. Still dealing with the after effects. And since I'm laying it all out on the line. I've been dealing with a long distance interent thing (believe me I know what you're thinking), but I swear even now I can't get closure from him (it'll be 5 yrs. in the next couple of months that we've known each other). He can't tell me goodbye, but can't talk to me, since he's dating someone! He has the whole picture but can't seem to deal with it. Doesn't want to talk about it now!! I swear I don't think I'll ever have a normal life!!

I also got asked out (for lunch), that hasn't happened in 3 yrs., said yes, and then he didn't call until 2pm that day. Aplogized for leaving my number somewhere with his wallet. Said if he screwed up again I could tell him to f-off, that he'd really like to make it up to me. Said he'd call to say hi, never did, the next Monday called my friend to get my number AGAIN! Called me, we made plans for a Sunday day date, said he'd call to firm up plans, NEVER CALLED ME AGAIN!!! I mean I guess it isn't a big deal. He did originally say he wanted to get to know me because when we met he thought I was smart & beautiful, which was good for my ego. But the fact that he ditched me TWICE does not do good things for the ego! But I couldn't have done anything wrong, we NEVER went out!! So I probably won't hear from him. We happen to know a lot of people in common, so I may hear something, I don't know. And I try not to care!! Grrrr @ him!

So needless to say things aren't getting any better emotinally for me. I'm working on getting over it all!

My best friend is doing better, she's back at home now, she is trying to find a balance between what energy she has and exhaustion (doing too much)! Hopefully she'll figure that out soon. I'm totally nervous that she's back in her apartment alone again, but the doctor told her if she could drive then she could go home. So she did. I'm still praying that things will get back to normal soon for her.

Tinkerbell - You are an inspiration to me. You post her nearly every day. Whether or not anyone answers you. I sure try to be here. You know if you want I can give you my email address and you can email me when no one is posting here and you need to talk to someone. I will do my best to get back to you asap. A lot faster than I can here. I am so proud of you, you've done amazing lately! You've stuck to the principals of the plan, even if the food wasn't on it! That means you're making progress in the right direction! Way to go! Thank you for your support and always being a bright spot in my day!

Tamara - Thank you for your kind words. You're right, someday I will figure out who is a true friend. And with the current group I'm definitely figuring out who I can live without in my life. The give and take isn't there, it's take, take, take, and when it doesn't go the way they'd like it's my fault, nothing they've done is ever wrong. So they can go off and have their lives without me in it. Sorry to say for them that it won't be as fun or interesting, and no one will be as loyal to them as I would have been. But we all make choices, and their behavior choices are something I can't live with, so I'm done, I don't need that negativity. I need positive energy! (how corny did that sound!)

Ruby - Nice to hear from you!! Ramble away, that's what we're here for. Have you read my posts? That's all I ever do!!

I am making a concentrated effort to start over today. Had a smoothie for breakfast, I've been trying to get in the habit of having that almost every day for breakfast. Then I have my meals packed for morning snack and lunch, afternoon snack I'll already be home for that and I'm going to make an effort to workout at least4 days this week! I need to do this for me.

Everyone - if you're reading this and not posting I totally understand, but if you have the time, we'd all like to hear from you and see how you are doing. If you need support this is a GREAT place to find it! These women are amazing!

We can do this, we can do this...together (remember)!!!

Always - Sky - out

[Tinkerbell]

hi everyone

I had a rough day today....and last night...I ordered a pizza and ate half of it....a cheesesteak pizza from Domino's. I didn't eat the crust, and it was a medium, but still. Today I had an egg mcmuffin from McD's and a regular pizza, then had chinese for lunch. I just woke up feeling depressed and awful...not feeling much better at the moment. I didn't even drink any water or anything. I'm hoping to get back on track now at dinner. I'm heating up one of my stuffed peppers, and sipping on some diet iced tea and water. I'm planning to go to bed early to just get this day over with.

Hope everyone's doing better than I am.

Tinkerbell.....out

[rubyscheetz]

Hey girls!
I am sorry I don't get around to posting so much. I do come and read the boards most every day, and you all are so very important to me. You are the people who inspire me to try (even just a little bit) when I am feeling so bad. Thank you for posting when you do. It really does seem to help just to check in and see what you are all up to.
As for me, I am still struggling. I started the program for about 1/2 a day, and gave up when I felt I had made a mistake or 2. I am 28, and starting to analyze myself more and more at this point of my life. And this is what I came up with:
I am a perfectionist in many ways. When I start a project, I have to proceed flawlessly, or else I give up. I can remember being a little girl (maybe 8 years old) and writing a letter to my Aunt Mary. I would spend hours making sure my handwriting was perfect, and if I made a mistake, I had to start over completely (because erasing the mistake didn't suffice- you could see where I messed up). I wrote and rewrote the letter 5-10 times until I either got it right, or gave up and didn't send it at all. On the other hand, I am also an underacheiver too. I start out with all good intentions and just give up when things seem too difficult. Believe me, I beat myself up for this mercilessly. My house (which I love) becomes messy and filthy dirty, even though I never wanted to let it get that way. My husband usually ends up cleaning the house while I'm gone, because I promise him I will do it, and never seem to get around to it. It really feels like I am incapeable of sticking to any plan I set for myself. It feels like I set out to destroy it as soon as I start. I see the infomercials Michael Thurmand (and others) broadcast. And they all touch me, and move me to want to try and change. But when it comes to actually living day to day with changes and the reality of life, I just quit.
I just want all of this to end so badly. There are times that I wish I could get gastric bypass, just to force me to lose this weight. But I also know that the issues are much deeper than the weight, and that I would just find some way of destroying some other area of my life if I could no longer destroy my body. Am I alone with these feelings? Or do any of you feel the same at times?
Thank you for listening. You are all very loyal and true, very supportive friends. I hope we can make it through this together.

[Tinkerbell]

Ruby...
I feel for you...very much. I also struggle with the same sort of issues...I have great intentions, whether it be projects around the house or everyday things, but things get away from me, then I feel like a complete failure. This weight that I'm struggling with now is the biggest burden on me, and it is the reason for my unhappiness....I know people would argue that it's just our appearance, and if that you're happy with the person you are inside, that the outside doesn't matter. But it does to me. It's part of me, and a huge part of my self-esteem. I'm not one of these people who are heavy-set and loving life....the people who are size 26 but still wearing bikini's on the beach or tight jeans and short shirts....I don't have that confidence....I get down on myself so much, and it's so hard. Then I struggle with the fact that my unhappiness should inspire me to change, to lose weight, to stick to the program, to exercise....the same goes with my house....I love when it's clean, but yet it gets messy and I let it go...it's so frustrating. I did pretty well on the plan last week and lost 5 lbs, but I'm pretty sure I've gained them back this week, because I haven't stuck to anything.

I often feel that I can't do this, but then I"ll get inspired, but it doesn't last. I see the way my ex-husband looks at me, and remembers the way I was when we met, and all through our marriage....I was thin and active and full of energy. It wasn't until we divorced that I started packing on the pounds. Then almost 2 years ago I was seriously burned in a campfire accident, and I gained another 30 pounds during my recovery. So here I am, 33 years old, divorced almost 5 years, and weighing 70 lbs more than I did most of my life. (I was a healthy 115 when my husband left me, even after 3 kids) It's depressing.

So, I feel for you...more than you can imagine. I struggle with myself everyday....and usually turn to food for appeasement. It's a vicious cycle.

If you ever want to talk about this more, please feel free to email me at my regular address, which you can get from my profile page. If you have Yahoo Messenger, I'd love to chat with you sometime. Whatever I can do to help, I will. We could help each other.

I have to go feed my children now, speaking of food. The funny thing about them is....they love salad, fresh fruit and drinking water. I sometimes coax them into ordering pizza....they rather have a fruit smoothie then a milkshake...they don't even like butter on their popcorn. I should really take my cue from them.

I will check in again soon.

Tinkerbell, signing off....